Some famous, and not so , quips about beer....

"Let no man thirst for good beer." -- Sam Adams

"Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health."-- Thomas Jefferson

"He was a wise man who invented beer." -- Plato

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs." -- David Daye

"Beer is the reason we get up each afternoon." -- Ray McNeill

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." -- Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was
also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -- Dave Barry

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a
football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." -- Frank Zappa

In Belgium, the magistrate has the dignity of a prince, but by Bacchus, it is true that the brewer is king.
--Emile Verhaeren (1855-1916), Flemish writer

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." Tom Waits

"24 beers in a case. 24 hours in a day. Coincidence?" Fox Mulder

"Beer has food value, but food has no beer value." Anonymous

"Beer will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no
beer."Freddie Freak

"When I heated my home with oil, I found that I used an average of 800 gallons per year. I have found that I
can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer."

Michael Jackson? His name's not familiar to me. Who's he with? --Frank Hamsher, Anheuser-Busch

Last beer before dry county. Coldest beer in town. --Scary signs in Southern United States

Some miners (in the town where he started his journalism career) would have 20 pints after a hard day in
the mine. Now that we sit behind computers all day, this is down to 18 or 19 pints.

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world." -- Kaiser Welhelm

"Drink to me." -- Dying words of Pablo Picasso

"They who drink beer will think beer." -- Washington Irving

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be
no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." -- Dave Barry

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.Capital Brewery,
Middleton,WI

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. --Homer Simpson

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. --Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.

Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. --Frederick the Great

Cover a war in a place where you can't drink beer or talk to a woman? Hell no!
--Hunter S. Thompson (on the US war against Iraq)

I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety. --King Henry V, Shakespeare

A quart of ale is a dish for a king. --Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare

The true enthusiast is probably happiest drinking from an opaque container. It does not allow him to see the
small imperfections in the appearance of the beer. --Joy of Cooking

Of beer, an enthusiast said that it could never be bad, but that some brands might be better than others.
--A. A. Milne

Guinness sells on the average of 7 million glasses a day. --Beer Magazine

I recommend....bread, meat, vegetables and beer. --Sophocles (on a moderate diet)

It was as natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without
drinking....beer. --Ernest Hemingway

Two of the more dubious achievements of American culture are white bread and light beer. --Real Beer
and Good Eats, Bruce Aidells and Denis Kelly

It is well known that a horse will eagerly drink up a pint of red wine, and that dogs love beer.--E. B. Foote,
M.D. 1902

Many years ago, a 33-inch fish was caught in Lake St. Clair that seemed a tad too heavy for its size. When
they popped the fish's top,startled fishermen found a full bottle of ale inside the creature. --Beer The
Magazine

Social reformer Lady Astor ended a temperance lecture with the quote, "I would rather commit adultery than
drink a glass of beer," in response someone in the crowd bellowed back, "Who wouldn't?"

Nothing ever tasted better than a cold beer on a beautiful afternoon with nothing to look forward to than
more of the same. --Hugh Hood

I like a good beer. Of course, I'll drink a bad one too.

Let no person thirst for lack of real ale!

Thank god for long-necked bottles, the angel's remedy. --Tom Petty

There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better.
--The Great Beer Trek, Stephen Morris

Old Milwaukee. Consistently one of the worst beers in America. The city of Milwaukee should sue to have
the name changed to 'Old Fargo, North Dakota.' Don't even buy it on sale. -The Great Beer Trek, Stephen
Morris

This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the lord has intended a more divine form of consumption.
Let us give praise to our maker and glory to His bounty by learning about BEER.
--Friar Tuck, Robin Hood (1991)

A well-lubricated populace being necessary to the humor of a free state, the right of the People to brew and
drink Beer, shall not be infringed.

Light beer is an invention of the Prince of Darkness. --Inspector Morse, Mystery

Why we are here: To tremble at the terrible beauty of the stars, to shed a tear at the perfection of
Beethoven's symphonies, and to crack a cold one now and then. --David Letterman

We could not now take time for further search or consideration: our victuals being much spent, especially
our beer. --Mayflower logbook entry dated December 16, 1620

The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love. --Law, City of Augsburg, 13th century

Beer brewers shall sell no beer to the citizens, unless it be three weeks old; to the foreigner they may
knowingly sell younger beer. --German Beer Law, 1466

Beer once tasted like something. It was made out of malt and hops and yeast and pure filtered water...
Nowadays it is often made of such gook as rice and corn grits... nothing but dirty water. It's so light and
clear it's nothing...ignoble swill. --Charles McCabe, 1960

There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says 'Good people drink good beer.' Which is true, then as now. Just
look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it.
--Hunter S. Thompson

I prefer both my beer and my coffee to be dark and bitter; that way, they fit in so well with the rest of my life.

All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with
beer. --Homer Simpson

Relax. Don't Worry. Have a Homebrew. --Charlie Papazian's Homebrew Ode

I've never homebrewed. I'm never at home.I'm too impatient even with cooking.
--Michael Jackson, Beer Journalist and Connoiseur

Life is too short to worry about what others think of my brew.

Brewers of all-grain strong ales and lagers, however, may need to reduce the volume of the wort by
evaporation to achieve targeted initial high gravities. Evaporation also makes the house smell good to
most sensible people.
--Home Brewer's Companion, Charlie Papazian

Mother's in the kitchen washing out the jugs, Sister's in the pantry bottling the suds, Father's in the cellar
mixing up the hops, Johnny's on the front porch watching for the cops. --Prohibition Song

As he brews, so shall he drink. --Ben Jonson

Blessings of your heart, you brew good ale. --Two Gentlemen of Verona, Shakespeare

Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can
understand. As a brewer you concern yourself with all the stuff you can understand, everywhere. --Fritz
Maytag, President Anchor Brewing

We brewers don't make beer, we just get all the ingredients together and the beer makes itself. --Fritz
Maytag

An honest brew makes its own friends.

Brew out of control! --Subject of post to rec.crafts.brewing, no body.

Oh, it's not so bad, I've tasted wort.
--Comment by one homebrewer, after unknowingly tasting a bottle of unfermented beer.

All we are saying . . . . is give yeast a chance.

Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire. --David Rains Wallace

Well they worked their will on John Barleycorn, but he lived to tell the tale. For they pour him out of an old
brown jug, and they call him home brewed ale! --Traditional

Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour.. Teach him to brew and he wastes a lifetime.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to
feel all day. --Dean Martin

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
--Lady Nancy Astor

Alcohol is an excuse for people to act like assholes. --Frank Zappa

Just as it is shameful to be drunk among the sober, so is it shameful to be sober among the drunk.

Drunkenness is simply voluntary insanity. --Seneca

To dispute with a drunkard is to debate with an empty house. --Publilius Syrus

Extensive interviews show that not one alcoholic has ever actually seen a pink elephant.
--Yale University, Center of Alcohol Studies

There are more old drunkards than old doctors. --Benjamin Franklin

The difference between drunks and alcholholics is that us drunks don't have to go to all those damn
meetings.--Country Song

There is no greater joy than in being a drinker... except for the joy in the wine in the women and being drunk.
So I'm for drinking honestly and dying in my boots. --Lord Byron

Not Drunk is he who from the floor can rise and drink once more - but Drunk is he who prostrate lies, and
can neither drink, nor rise. --Saloon at Luckenbach, Texas

Being drunk is like being in love. If you've never been in love, you don't know what you're missing.

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. --G.K. Chesterton

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober. --William Butler Yeats

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -- Ernest
Hemingway

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." -- Winston
Churchill

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." -- W.C. Fields

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." -- Oscar Wilde

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -- Henny Youngman

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." -- Humphrey Bogart

"I drink to make other people interesting." -- George Jean Nathan

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." -- For Whom the Bell
Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -- Dean Martin

"When a man is forced by circumstance to drink water, you might have the common decency to turn away."
-- Private Smalley, Last Stand at Feather River

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill-- Madam, if you
were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply

A person can work up a mean, mean thirst after a hard day of nothin' much at all. --The Replacements

Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane
through religious hysteria than by drinking. --W.C. Fields